This morning was full of gems compliments of the Girl. This is fairly uncommon here. The Boy is our resident goofball / soundbite hero–when you take me out of the equation. (I am easily the biggest dork in our house.) But this morning I was entertained by The Girl Show.
A little bit of background here. The Girl is a huge science buff. One of her favorite things to do in her down time is watch videos on BrainPop so she can learn about all kinds of things, but especially science. She is incredibly curious and loves to “experiment.” That’s her way of saying “pull all kinds of shit apart so she can see how it ‘works’ but not put it back together–or put it away, for that matter.” She loves animals and has thoughts about being a veterinarian–provided that she never has to euthanize or operate on any animal. That’s not for her. If she can love all creatures back to health, then it’s all good. It will also help her professionally if she isn’t required to deal with most insects and bugs. However, she has a deep and true affection for a few select types. The most interesting variety in that category are stinkbugs. She loves them. Seriously. The Girl loves stinkbugs. It is a great source of pride for her that in school earlier this year, her stinkbug won the Stinkbug Derby. Yes, that’s right. Not only is there such a thing as a Stinkbug Derby, but I have raised a Champion Stinkbug Racer. You can only imagine how proud I am …
So, back to this morning.
She’s up and bustling in the kitchen getting her lunch ready and having breakfast when I heard repeated cracking or popping sounds. I called down to her and asked what the noise was. She said she was poking more holes in the lid she used for her stinkbug holder from the Stinkbug Derby. “Oh, okay,” I said not thinking anything of it. And I went back to brushing my teeth.
A few minutes later I was downstairs, entering the kitchen.
Girl: (at the microwave) I made a mistake.
Me: (just walking into the room) Did you learn anything from it?
Me: Good. (realizing that she’s not cooking food, but that she has the roll of paper towels next to her … hmmmmm)
Girl: It was a pretty big mistake.
Me: OK. What happened?
Girl: Well, you know those ice pack stick thingies that we have …
Me: (trying to get my MamaMind to figure out how that piece of information could possibly be related to her “mistake” involving the microwave) You mean the ones you put in your lunch to keep everything cold?
Girl: Yes. Those. Well, I put one of those in the microwave so I could warm it up and, as you can see, it didn’t go very well. (gestures into the microwave)
Me: (seeing the gelish goo splattered all over the inside of said microwave) Oh, wow. Ok. Um, why, exactly, were you trying to warm up a freezer pack?
Girl: (still wiping out the microwave) Well, it’s cold outside [note: no, it’s not cold outside. at 7 am it was 63 degrees; not cold by PA standards] and I wanted to give my stinkbug a little warming station so he doesn’t get too chilly. [another note: they just finished observing the incubation and hatching phases of chicks and baby quails in school; she LOVED that. so she’s got incubation on the brain, apparently.]
Me: Wait. What? Where’s this stinkbug?
Me: (looking outside, seeing a piece of paper with a leaf, apple slices, a small lid with water in it, a snack sized baggie filled with water and a stinkbug happily [happily? I’m not great at reading stinkbug body language] eating the apple) Oh, yep. I see him. Him? Her?
(I take over cleaning out the microwave so she can eat her breakfast.)
Girl: Thanks for helping me with this. I definitely learned something. Definitely.
Girl: Do you think I’ll be a good mom some day?
Me: (unsure about where this is headed) Yes. You’re great with kids and you’re very loving. You’ll be a wonderful mom some day.
Girl: Ok, good. Stinkbugs are my practice children.
Me: (whaaaat? trying to figure out how stinkbugs are “practice children” …) Okay? What?
Girl: I think if I can keep a stinkbug alive and take good care of it then I’ll be able to take good care of babies.
Girl: (interrupting) Are newborn babies like kittens?
Girl: Like, are they so cute and adorable that you just look at them and think “I want to keep you and take care of you because you’re so cute”?
Me: (thinking about the fact that newborns aren’t actually cute at all, they’re kind of squishy and cone-headed and all of that, but there is definitely the instant love and adoration thing that could be like a kitten; waffling trying to decide what to say here ….) Yah, pretty much.
Girl: Ok. Good. (walking over to the patio door to check on the stinkbug again) Oh, no. He’s not moving. I hope he’s not dead. I hope …
Boy: (just walked into the kitchen, getting his cereal and sitting at the table) Who’s dead?
Girl: Nobody. I have a stinkbug I’m taking care of and he’s not moving.
Me: (seeing the rest of the apple on the counter) Hey, what are you going to do with this entire apple that’s left?
Girl: I’ll put it in my lunch. (walking back to check on the
practice baby stinkbug) Oh, good. He’s moving.
Me: (STILL cleaning out the microwave) Thank god. I was starting to worry.
Girl: And thanks for helping clean up my mess. I definitely learned something today.
Me: Yah, me too … a baggie full of warm water makes less mess than a microwaved freezer pack when fashioning an impromptu warming station for a stinkbug. Lesson learned.