This post first appeared on Blogger Idol‘s Week 4 Challenge: The Team Interview Post.
Three weeks into the Blogger Idol competition, Lorinda (The Rowdy Baker) and Jen (Real Life Parenting) got together for an afternoon visit. After a boisterous greeting, they sat down at Lorinda’s kitchen table.
Lorinda: Coffee, Jen?
Jen: Well, if by coffee you mean wine, then I’d love some! Just in case, I brought some with me.
(Jen pulls two bottles out of her bag. Lorinda leaves one on the table and wedges the other between four bottles in her refrigerator.)
Jen: I even carry a corkscrew with me–I’m always prepared for an emergency!
Lorinda: Oh, man. Were you the mother with the little plastic rain bonnet in your purse? Yikes… I may be dating myself there.
Jen: Oh, no! I’m always prepared for a wine emergency. I’m definitely not a prepared Mom. When the Boy was a month old I took him to my family reunion in a onesie. It ended up being 60 degrees that day–unseasonably cold for August. I didn’t even have a blanket for him! That was my first Mother of the Year award.
Lorinda: If my kids needed a safety pin, a tampon or a dollar for the bus, they knew to go ask one of the other kids’ moms. I was “fun” mom, not “practical” mom.
Jen: I’ll remember that the next time I need a tampon!! Don’t ask Lorinda! Ha! Haa!! Cheers! To new friends and fun with Blogger Idol … may the best woman win!
Lorinda: It’s a tough competition! It’s a little unnerving being the only food blogger.
Jen: I think you’re a lot more than a one-trick, food-blogging pony. I read your hysterical post about boiling down a bear’s penis bone. That’s not actually food, right??
Lorinda: Snort. You said “penis bone.” May I use your corkscrew?
Jen: By all means.
Lorinda: We do eat bear, but not the meat from the penis bone. Oh, shit. What did my son do with that? Knowing him, it’s in my freezer and he’ll laugh himself sick when I eat it.
Lorinda: Actually, Jen, I might need to get some baking tips from you! I’m getting lots of requests for gluten-free recipes. You must be an expert on that.
Jen: Not sure I’d say expert. I have some experience since the Girl was diagnosed with Celiac disease almost five years ago, but I can tell you something that’s definitely gluten-free: this wine! Cheers to that!!
Lorinda: Amen, Sister!
Lorinda: Oops. Sorry. I spilled my wine all over your yoga pants.
Jen: Dammit!! These are my dressy ones too!
Lorinda: Meh. Your pants will wash. The point is, I wasted wine! Once I was in a hurry making the kids’ lunches and threw a can of pop into each bag. (Don’t judge me. It was the 80s.) My son pulled his can out at lunch, and it was beer! It was bad enough to be shunned by the PTO moms, but I wasted a perfectly good beer!
Jen: Oh my gosh! That’s hilarious! I guess you’re a real rebel who doesn’t follow the rules!
Lorinda: I hate following rules. When I write my blog recipes it kills me to have to have to measure and level with a spatula and stuff. Pffft.
Jen: Do you wish you could just say “some of this and a splash of that” when you’re writing your blog? Speaking of splash, I could go for a little more in my glass here. Talking makes me thirsty!
Lorinda: Here you go. Pour me another splishy-splashy too, ‘kay?
Jen: You betcha, sister! Just hold still.
Lorinda: So…how is your family dealing with the whole Idol thing?
Jen: They’re really great about it. They vote every week. The Boy has joked that he might vote for Don of All Trades–may he rest in peace. I told him he wouldn’t eat again in this house if he did. But the Girl told me that she would vote for me even if I didn’t make her. Isn’t that sweet?
Lorinda: Wow! I had to force my son to vote. I threatened to put Chicago in the DVD player unless he cooperated. My daughter and oldest son always vote. My rowdy granddaughters love to help me bake cookies, and they vote. My husband just votes so he doesn’t get cut off. If there were a cash prize, he’d be all about it!
Jen: Psshyeah. No cash, but as moms we’re used to doing all kinds of things and never seeing any benjamins. I feel a wee bit sorry for my kids because I’ve been preoccupied. Not that long ago I earned more Mother of the Year awards. First, I fed the Boy a piece of pie for breakfast that had mold in it. Then two weeks later I made him toast for breakfast out of moldy bread. Apparently that means I have a “history.” And I wasn’t even distracted by Blogger Idol then. You can imagine how thoroughly he checks his food now, right?!
Is it just me?
Lorinda: Oh, no. I’ve been awful lately. I usually make three nutritious meals a day with organic food from my garden. Yesterday we had Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I have sunk so low.
Jen: Oh, I hear ya. We’ve had breakfast for dinner a few times since I’ve been doing this, and I’m not talking pancakes and eggs. I mean cereal. I’m just glad nobody has been sick around here. Apparently, I also have a “history” with not being super attentive to my kids when they’re sick.
Lorinda: My kids are grown, but they were easy compared to my husband. He’ll bellow my name and when I come running he uses his weak, dying man voice. “Feel my forehead, do I have a fever?”
Jen: Oh, no. So your hubby gets the Man Cold, huh?
Lorinda: Hah. He invented the Man Cold. He can be BURNING UP and I’ll say, “Nope. Your forehead feels just fine.”
Jen: That reminds me of the time the Girl said she didn’t feel well and was “just soooooooo tired.” I told her she was fine and sent her to school. She complained about it for a month. A Month!!! So I finally took her to the doctor to prove to her that she was fine. Yeah, she had Mono. Pretty sure that was my golden Mother of the Year award.
Lorinda: Yeah…I’ve got a collection of those.
Jen: I probably should have made her some chicken noodle soup or something. I’m sure you have a good recipe for that.
Lorinda: Jen, I’m The Rowdy Baker. Does that sound like I make soup? I definitely wasn’t mother of the year. I’m surprised even one of my sons got married. Or dated!
Jen: I don’t know if the Boy will ever date. He didn’t go to the Homecoming Dance. It’s not really his scene, but I can’t imagine him ever asking anyone to go with him. Too intimidating. What do I do about that?
Lorinda: When my daughter was going to homecoming she couldn’t decide who to ask (it was girl ask boy) so she and I decided it would be funny to hire an escort.
(clinking glasses, again)
Lorinda: She was gorgeous and could have asked anyone, but the escort idea amused us, so I called a company and requested a tall, young guy for her. When he rang the doorbell we almost peed ourselves because he was in his late 30s and short. It’s funny now, but I don’t think anyone there got our humor. She probably went down in high school history as the girl who had to hire a date.
Jen: I think she wins Homecoming forever!
Lorinda: No one gets my humor.
Jen: Oh, I get you. I totally get you.
Lorinda: (Sniff) You’re the best, Jen. Best friend Jen. Um… this corkscrew is dull. Not working.
Jen: You’re holding it upside down.
Lorinda: Whoopsie. So, Kiddo. What if it comes down to you and me?
Jen: I don’t know. I’ll cry just thinking about it because you’re my new BFF. I love you, man.
(a hug and furtive wiping of mascara smears.)
Jen: We make a good team. We should mash up our names like the Hollywood couples do. Rowdy Parenting. The Real Life Baker. OOhh!! I’m a Mom, you’re a foodie–we’re Moodie Bloggers!
Lorinda: I love how you think! We’ll just blend together and be one big winning blog!
Jen: Yes, armed with our empty wine bottles, I say Moodie Bloggers for the win!
Lorinda: Oh, Lord, Jen. My nose is going numb! Maybe we should eat something to soak up this wine.
Jen: Yes. I agree. Is there a rule against bunk draking? I mean drunk baking.
Lorinda: If there is, I’m screwed. I have to bend the baking rules or it’s not intersh-inster-interesting.
Jen: You know, after all this drinking, I think I better stay here. Should we kick your hubby out of the guest bed?
Lorinda: Nah. Leave him there. You can have my bedroom. I’m comfy right here on the couch.
Jen: Lorinda, that’s the table.
Blogger Idol Judges’ comments:
This sounded like a conversation between me and one of my friends. And I DO have a corkscrew in my car. All the time. Wine emergencies happen- and you don’t want t be caught without the essentials! (I really AM serious!)
Anyway- I usually don’t like reading a “script” but this was very funny, if a bit long. I got a little confused with The Boy and The Girl as well ( I also refer to my son as “The Boy in my blog) but other than that- it was really good!!
I particularly liked- “I’m the Rowdy BAKER . Does that sound like I make soup?” That was great!
The feel of the whole thing was that you have been BF’s forever- kudos to getting that across! If you like bunk draking, you should watch My Drunk Kitchen!
Good job ladies!
–Red Vines and Red Wine
This is wonderful! First off – brilliant conversation.
Secondly, thank you for being so honest. I absolutely love the war stores that you shared about being moms. It is great to read about babies and kids the same age as my kids but I really need to read more from moms who made it through to the other-side and survived with their sense of humor.
Finally, and most importantly, kudos for sharing posts to your blogs! I love how you incorporated them with out it being forced. I clicked on those links, oh yes I did, and I read them. Well done! I truly enjoyed this piece.
–I Need a Playdate
This was awesome. I got a bit lengthy, but out of the three I’ve read so far, it’s the only one that I didn’t have to focus to stay ‘tuned into’. It really did feel like I was sitting there hanging out with you guys. But, you know that moment when you are watching a movie, and there’s a little glitch? Like when someone has a stain on their shirt, and mid-scene, the camera cuts back and it’s gone? I had one of those moments in this post. Jen said “You’re my new BFF”, and I was like… “New??? They’ve been friends forever!” And then I started thinking about it, and I was like, “AHA! They GOT me!” Because your post really felt like you guys had been friends forever, which means you done good ladies. Real, real good. I also totally love how towards the end of the post, you actually made it seem like you were drunk. That brought it to life even more.
–My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream
Great conversation with friends! I like how it was happening in real time and you were able to talk about sharing the experience of Blogger Idol together.
I got a little hung up on the use of “the Boy” and “the Girl”. I get it. It’s hard to figure out what to call your kids when you blog, but you started out with a story of him being one month old, then he had to check his own food for mold, and last – he wasn’t going to homecoming? It was weird how it seemed like he grew up in one blog post. I couldn’t get past him being a baby/toddler, especially when you called him the Boy.
You ended it perfectly, a bit of drunk writing at the end, but it wasn’t over the top and too hard to understand.
–The Mother Freakin’ Princess (The MFP)
Good job! I love a back and forth, conversation style blog. I did one recently with my friend RachRiot and we had a lot of fun with it. I always think that funny/creative people make us more funny and creative so it kinda takes each of your personalities and talents and cranks them up a few notches.
I call my son “The Boy” so I kinda got a kick out of the fact that you do too, Jen.
I did think that the post went on a bit long but that’s like the blackest pot in the history of black pots calling the kettle black because I am kinda known for having the longest statuses and blog posts ever, so basically what I’m saying is that just because I thought it was long means nothing and you shouldn’t listen to me.
I liked the drunky parts at the end. That was fun.
–GUEST JUDGE: Insane in the Mom-Brain