I’m a judgmental A-hole–and so are you.

I write a series called You Might Be an Asshat where I bring to light people who do and say really dipshitty things. In those posts, I’m snarky and sassy; I’m edgy and I swear. I use words like douchenozzle, ass pimple, twatwaffle, and idiot. Basically, I’m ranting about asshattery.

The posts tend to be well-received and lots of people comment that I’m saying things “out loud” they’ve wanted to say for a long time. It’s therapeutic for me, and it seems to be for others as well. My last post really struck a chord with people living with food allergies. After hearing enough people complain over the years that my daughter’s Celiac disease really made it difficult for them, I had enough. I wrote about asshats who think that other people’s health issues are a burden on the rest of us. I’m tired of people who lack compassion. I’m sick of dealing with self-absorbed, out-of-touch people who think that the welfare and well-being of others is secondary to their desires.

They’re asshats. And, on the day when I’m a selfish, inconsiderate jerk who does something stupid, I’ll deserve to be the subject of an asshat post too. (I’m sure it won’t be long before I’m posting You Might Be an Asshat If You’re ME.)

Someone thinks I deserve that honor for even writing my Asshat posts because I’m judging people. I’m saying that someone did or said something really stupid, ignorant, or ridiculous and I’m calling them on it. And it makes me think–I really AM a judgmental Asshole … and so are you.

Im a Judgmental Ahole

We all judge other people. Every single one of us. That dude who cut us off in traffic and nearly caused a wreck. JERK! The girl who sued her parents because she felt entitled. SPOILED BRAT! The guy who held three women captive in his home raping and abusing them for years. MONSTER! The football star who was involved in a dog fighting ring. CRUEL! The politician who got caught cheating on his wife when she had cancer. DIRTBAG! The parents who make their kids sleep in dog crates. ABUSIVE PIGS! The woman who faked cancer to collect money from her community. LYING CHEAT! The priests and Jerry Sandusky types who sexually abuse children. GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES ALONE WITH THOSE GUYS!

But there’s a flip side of that. The little boy who gave the $20 he found in a parking lot to a service member who was eating at the same restaurant. WHAT A SWEET KID! The town that comes together to help a little boy’s dream of being Batman come true. ALL THOSE CARING PEOPLE! The actor who paid tribute to his mother in an awards acceptance speech. GREAT GUY! The NFL player who quit his career to help care for his wife when she developed breast cancer. SELFLESS HUSBAND! The parents who turned their daughter’s wheelchair into a stagecoach when she wanted to be Cinderella for Halloween. AMAZING PARENTS! We think it’s ok to judge people … sometimes.

Here’s the thing: We all pass judgment. It’s natural. It’s how we sort through what we encounter in the world. It’s part of how we process what we do–and how that fits with what others do similarly or differently. Sometimes the judgment we make is positive, other times it’s negative. Every once in a while we’re indifferent.

There are times when judging other people is fine and other times when it makes you an A-hole. (And, yes, I’m passing judgment on judgment. Wowzers.) I’m no fan of people claiming others are bad at life based on whether they bottle-feed or breastfeed, use cloth or disposable diapers, stay at home or go to work … that whole “mommy wars” thing. That doesn’t help anyone. I’m not a fan.

But if you’re doing something that will harm someone or make them feel bad, I’m gonna go ahead and call a spade a spade–You’re an Asshat. When you tell me that you don’t think my kid actually has ADHD and I just need to “parent better,” I’m going to judge you. When you hit your wife or girlfriend because she said or did something to piss you off, you can bet your sweet ass I’m judging you. When your kid bullies someone else and you say the victim “had it coming” for one reason or another, I had you judged before you finished that sentence.

And when someone tells me I’m a jerk for calling someone an asshat, what I really want to scream out loud is “I am a judgmental A-hole–and so are you!”


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This post is part of the Finish the Sentence Friday series. The prompt for this post was “What I really want to scream out loud is …”

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  1. says

    First of all, I love you! You are absolutely correct. Second, were you thinking of ME specifically when you wrote this post. At the same time I was writing a douchebag post, you were writing about me (yeah, I’ll take that personally) judging other people. That, my friend, is perfect timing.

    My name is Rhonda. I’m a judgmental asshole. If you make me a badge, I will wear it around town for a day. 😀
    Rhonda recently posted…Paul Ryan: The Out of Touch DouchebagMy Profile

    • Real Life Parenting says

      I’m laughing so much right now. You and I–we’ll wear our scarlet letter J (or A, whatever!) on badges.

      Yes, I actually did think of you because I love your DOWA posts. :) I’ll be in line to read it–with my badge on!

    • Real Life Parenting says

      It’s actually a good thing sometimes–deciding whether or not someone has good intentions and is good for us or not … It’s all part of judging.

    • Real Life Parenting says

      Yes … I thought so too. So I’m a ‘jerk’ for calling someone a name … ok, person who just called me a jerk.

  2. says

    HA! This made me giggle hard. And then it made me think. Because yes – we’re all cool with judgement as long as it’s shiny and pretty and positive.

    But there’s a fine line somewhere, between opinion and pronouncement. And in between there is a further shaded area where the actions people take speak for themselves and they need no judging. Then there’s the area where someone does something which upsets or delights you, and others don’t really get it, so they get weird about your judgement.

    I’m rambling.

    But I liked this.

    JUDGEMENT: 8.5/10

    ( 😉 )
    Considerer recently posted…7 Quick Takes #65 x FTSFMy Profile

    • Real Life Parenting says

      A giggle and a think … I think my job here is done. 😉

      And, thanks for the honest judgment.

  3. says

    Oh, I ADORE the idea of You Might be an Asshat! I’ll have to check that out next time. I used to write opinion pieces twice a week for the dearly departed MamaPop website. I think that that was my very own “you might be an asshat” outlet where I was judging people for their assholery and then judging myself for being judgmental, so what I’m getting at is, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about passing judgement and the ease with which we seem to be doing it, especially online. I loved your clear and rational views on this and you are totally right, there are instances where judgement is justified.
    Katia recently posted…Introducing My Inner Juan PabloMy Profile

    • Real Life Parenting says

      It’s a fun series …. I hadn’t written one of them in a while; not for lack of material though. 😉

    • Real Life Parenting says

      Probably because you’re afraid you’re one of ’em … maybe?? I guess you’ve been happy then, because I haven’t done one in a while (before this week’s).

    • Real Life Parenting says

      Yes–I agree. Judging people on anything other than their actions or words isn’t cool.

      And, no worries, I’ll keep writing. I’ve got too much inner angst to keep it in!

  4. says

    Damn. you nailed this, and are so not an asshat. I actually love how you did this. I’m such a HUGE advocate for ” DO NOT JUDGE MY KID OR ME” but yet, your examples of the For Real Asshats, and the For Real dicks? Spot on. The world does need more empathy and wonder and awesomeness. It does not need more of the asshats. We do all judge people. And maybe, sometimes, we should. xo
    Kristi Campbell recently posted…10 Things Special Needs and Autism Moms Wish You KnewMy Profile

    • Real Life Parenting says

      You’re right about needing more compassion. I try to be thoughtful and put myself in other people’s shoes. However, there are times when I want nothing to do with their shoes … they need put in their place and for someone to call them out on their asshattery. Apparently, I think I’m just the person to do that! :) XOXO

  5. says

    Haha, it’s so true. I laugh at myself for judging judgers, but I do it. And then I go and judge. I think as long as there’s right and wrong then we’re going to judge. It just depends on what we think is right and wrong and it’s not the same for everyone. So yeah, we’re all judgers. Good post! And so happy for you about your viral post on food allergies!
    canigetanotherbottleofwhine recently posted…9 Ways a Travel Coffee Mug Can SuckMy Profile

    • Real Life Parenting says

      It’s a fine line. We’ve got to be careful … but there are times it’s definitely easier to see the asshat in others more than anything else.

      Thanks!!! 😀

  6. says

    LOL! I’m pretty sure I’m an asshat because I know I judge people all the time–and I’m always blogging about people that irritate me. Then I think “If that person has a blog, I wonder what she wrote about ME?!” Probably glad I don’t know!
    Kimbo325 recently posted…Are You Kidding Me?!My Profile

    • Real Life Parenting says

      I’ve often wondered if I end up as anyone else’s blog fodder … hmmmmmm!! I agree–glad I don’t know! lol

    • Real Life Parenting says

      I do the same thing, Chris … Not all the time, but often. For the lunatic that goes speeding up the berm of the highway when there’s a traffic jam … I think they might be rushing to the hospital for some reason and try to give the benefit of the doubt.

  7. says

    Who doesn’t roll their eyes at the mother who’s handing her screaming child candy at the store? But if you’re like me, you start to second-guess the situation. They may have had a really, really bad day. We all make snap judgments, but the true asshats are the ones who make snap judgments without even considering the possible circumstances. Out of arrogance or ignorance…either way is horrible.
    That said, I have a nasty little snarky side to me occasionally and totally DESERVE and really, really, want my own scarlet A to wear. I think you need to create some, Jen, and sell ’em. I’d be first in line!

  8. says

    Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for posting this. I have been having this issue for quite sometime. I was just born with an inordinate amount of common sense and I call a spade a spade. Whenever someone gets their little psyche hurt they call you judgmental. I try to tell them they are too…whenever you look at anyone you judge them…what they wear, how they look, are they ugly, are they pretty…on and on. Yet these very people do not admit that they too are judgmental. They use that one verse from the bible “do not judge lest you be judged”, which is taken entirely out of context. There are a bunch of other verses that tell you to let someone know if they are screwing up. In this world of ‘anything goes’ everyone wants you to accept everything and give them a trophy while you are telling them how wonderful they are. Am I perfect? Nope..but I can take it when I’m not someone calls me out on it – and if I’m being a be-yatch then tell me why. I won’t call you judgmental. “If you want me to stop being judgmental, you should stop doing so many things that I’m forced to acknowledge”- anon Thanks so much for this blog. I’m gonna send it to the very next person that calls me judgmental!

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