I write a series called You Might Be an Asshat where I bring to light people who do and say really dipshitty things. In those posts, I’m snarky and sassy; I’m edgy and I swear. I use words like douchenozzle, ass pimple, twatwaffle, and idiot. Basically, I’m ranting about asshattery.
The posts tend to be well-received and lots of people comment that I’m saying things “out loud” they’ve wanted to say for a long time. It’s therapeutic for me, and it seems to be for others as well. My last post really struck a chord with people living with food allergies. After hearing enough people complain over the years that my daughter’s Celiac disease really made it difficult for them, I had enough. I wrote about asshats who think that other people’s health issues are a burden on the rest of us. I’m tired of people who lack compassion. I’m sick of dealing with self-absorbed, out-of-touch people who think that the welfare and well-being of others is secondary to their desires.
They’re asshats. And, on the day when I’m a selfish, inconsiderate jerk who does something stupid, I’ll deserve to be the subject of an asshat post too. (I’m sure it won’t be long before I’m posting You Might Be an Asshat If You’re ME.)
Someone thinks I deserve that honor for even writing my Asshat posts because I’m judging people. I’m saying that someone did or said something really stupid, ignorant, or ridiculous and I’m calling them on it. And it makes me think–I really AM a judgmental Asshole … and so are you.
We all judge other people. Every single one of us. That dude who cut us off in traffic and nearly caused a wreck. JERK! The girl who sued her parents because she felt entitled. SPOILED BRAT! The guy who held three women captive in his home raping and abusing them for years. MONSTER! The football star who was involved in a dog fighting ring. CRUEL! The politician who got caught cheating on his wife when she had cancer. DIRTBAG! The parents who make their kids sleep in dog crates. ABUSIVE PIGS! The woman who faked cancer to collect money from her community. LYING CHEAT! The priests and Jerry Sandusky types who sexually abuse children. GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES ALONE WITH THOSE GUYS!
But there’s a flip side of that. The little boy who gave the $20 he found in a parking lot to a service member who was eating at the same restaurant. WHAT A SWEET KID! The town that comes together to help a little boy’s dream of being Batman come true. ALL THOSE CARING PEOPLE! The actor who paid tribute to his mother in an awards acceptance speech. GREAT GUY! The NFL player who quit his career to help care for his wife when she developed breast cancer. SELFLESS HUSBAND! The parents who turned their daughter’s wheelchair into a stagecoach when she wanted to be Cinderella for Halloween. AMAZING PARENTS! We think it’s ok to judge people … sometimes.
Here’s the thing: We all pass judgment. It’s natural. It’s how we sort through what we encounter in the world. It’s part of how we process what we do–and how that fits with what others do similarly or differently. Sometimes the judgment we make is positive, other times it’s negative. Every once in a while we’re indifferent.
There are times when judging other people is fine and other times when it makes you an A-hole. (And, yes, I’m passing judgment on judgment. Wowzers.) I’m no fan of people claiming others are bad at life based on whether they bottle-feed or breastfeed, use cloth or disposable diapers, stay at home or go to work … that whole “mommy wars” thing. That doesn’t help anyone. I’m not a fan.
But if you’re doing something that will harm someone or make them feel bad, I’m gonna go ahead and call a spade a spade–You’re an Asshat. When you tell me that you don’t think my kid actually has ADHD and I just need to “parent better,” I’m going to judge you. When you hit your wife or girlfriend because she said or did something to piss you off, you can bet your sweet ass I’m judging you. When your kid bullies someone else and you say the victim “had it coming” for one reason or another, I had you judged before you finished that sentence.
And when someone tells me I’m a jerk for calling someone an asshat, what I really want to scream out loud is “I am a judgmental A-hole–and so are you!”
This post is part of the Finish the Sentence Friday series. The prompt for this post was “What I really want to scream out loud is …”
Check out the hostesses–and this week’s co-host Tarana from Sand in My Toes:
- Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine
- Mommy, For Real
- Finding nine
- Janine’s Confessions of a Mommyaholic