We tend to have spirited dinner conversations. We like to play games (High / Low, the Related To game, Talking with Accents, Favorite … we have several we’ve made up). Last night’s dinner conversation needed no game as a starter.
The scene: We had a pretty casual dinner of Leftovers Potpourri. (I love how that makes it sound much more fancy and sophisticated than the reality of eating leftovers from Tupperware.) The majority of our dinner was eaten standing around the kitchen as each component of any person’s meal was pulled from the microwave. It was atypical for us, but it worked for what we were doing.
The kids’ main “dish” required fifteen minutes cooking in the toaster oven, so their meal was a little delayed. Hubbinator went off to pack for our anniversary trip when he was done eating, which left the Boy, the Girl and Me to finish our dinners. We moved over to sit at the table when the kids’ food was ready.
The Boy had been particularly chatty all day. He was in the zone. That continued through dinner. At some point he said something to the Girl that ended with “don’t be a wanker!” Cue laughter. I realized as he started on this that it would be funny, so I (secretly) hit record on my phone so that I could capture the conversation.
Here it is:
BOY: I’m getting really good at British words. One of the videos I watch a lot on YouTube has a British guy. He says some things that you understand after listening to him for a while. Like (using British accent) “Oh, sod off.”
(Girl and I are looking at him with the huh??!” expression.)
BOY: You know, like dirt.
GIRL: (giggling) “Sawed?”
BOY: No. You know, sod, yes, sod.
GIRL: (laughing) What does that mean?!
BOY: (giggling) It means dirt.
GIRL: (mocking with a very Valley Girl tone) “Oh, dirt off!!” What does it mean though? Like, what …
BOY: (cracking up; voice getting a little higher with excitement) DIRT!!
GIRL: (laughing but trying to talk) No, I mean …
BOY: (even higher pitched) It means DIRT!
GIRL: Like, what do they use it for? Like …
BOY: (squealing) DIRT!
BOY: They use it for dirt.
GIRL: NO! (collecting her thoughts to figure out her wording) “Oh, sod off!” What do they say that, like, in purpose of?
BOY: (British accent is back)“Oh! Get away!” Like, (more British accent) “Oh, Bloop off!” The bad word. The … the bad one. It’s a really good replacement.
ME: It is interesting.
BOY: (giving a side by side comparison) Sod / F bomb. Sod / F bomb. And (British accent again) “Bollocks.” He says these things a lot.
ME: (laughing, entertained hearing his spot on British accent)
BOY: Not the sod one. He says that twice.
ME: (chuckling) Huh. Interesting.
GIRL: (apparently deciding to try out the new vocabulary words in conjunction with one another … in a quiet, sweet voice with British accent) “Sod off, you wanker!”
ME: (full belly laughing)
GIRL: (giggling, soaking in the humor)
BOY: (chuckling, wheels turning, channeling his best Russell Brand voice) “Sod off, you wanker! Ah, bollocks! You’re driving me crazy!”
BOY: Oh yah! All three!! ….. Aaaannnnnd the award goes tooooooo……. ME!!
(lots of laughing)
BOY: At the Taco Bell I was doing a few casual jokes and Mom was laughing her butt off. She was laughing her bollocks off.
ME: I was.
BOY: I mean, I was just doing casual jokes and she was laughing her butt off.
ME: (with an intended British accent, but clearly came out more Irish) “Aw! There went me bollocks!” (pause) Did I use that in the right context?
BOY: (mortified, wondering how his mother could be so out of touch) No.
ME: (huge laugh, snort)
BOY: Brits don’t say (using an actual British accent, unlike my attempt) “Oh, me (blah)” That’s Irish people.
ME: (still laughing, especially at the accents)
BOY: (feeling embarrassed thinking that I was laughing at him for using the wrong word; excitedly trying to correct himself) I don’t know the word for that!!! Irelanders?
GIRL: (trying to help) Irish … We are Irish.
ME: (talking through tears) Irish would be the right word.
BOY: Soooo, how ’bout them peanuts? …. I’m running out of material. “Oh, bollocks! Wanker.”
Funny how everything sounds more pleasant in a British accent! Even the swear words don’t sound offensive … I guess that’s why I let my kids say them. Repeatedly. And I laugh about it. Hysterically.